Cheating happens, at least that is what people told me at the time. FYI, that is something you should never tell someone. I agree that it happens, but don’t you think it was the worst thing you could tell someone in my position? I mean what? If it happens then I should just accept it?
I refused to accept it, at least most of the time. It has been a while since then and here is what I learnt from this experience.
It is okay not to be strong all the time
I tried to be strong and not let the fact that my first ever boyfriend cheated on me affect me. I tried to rationalise that it wasn’t my fault and that I would be okay. He was just an asshole and that there will probably be others, but that what happened does not need to affect me. What he did does not define me or determine my value.
I still agree that being cheated on does not define who I am, but no matter how many times I told myself that or how many times I heard it from people who really love me, it still did not register all the time. There were still moments when I blamed myself for not being enough, for not putting out. There were still times when what he did affected my life and future relationships and most likely there will always be. However, I also learnt along the way that it is okay to feel bad at times, but that in the end I am better off without him and that I can have a normal life even after this experience.
It is not the end of the world
Back then, being cheated on felt like the end of the world was upon me. I was already struggling with self esteem issues and being cheated on did me no favours. Plus, you need to keep in mind that this was my first ever boyfriend and first shot at love so it was probably one of the worst ways to start this chapter of my life.
Everything was more intense then, I was young and naive so no matter how many times I tried o rationalise the event and tried to convince myself that I would be alright, it still felt like my world was ending. It did not and it won’t for any one of you.
As time goes by, you will come to realise that being cheated on is not the end of the world. It is something that hurts and hurts you deeply, but that you will only come out stronger from the entire experience.
No man (or woman) deserves your tears
This is perhaps one of the most valuable and hardest lessons I learnt from being cheated on by my first ever boyfriend. Okay, I am going to be honest here and I won’t credit him entirely. There were others who contributed to me learning this lesson. However, over the years I learnt that no one deserves my tears.
If someone cannot accept me, respect me or cherish me the way I am, then good riddance. It is their loss and not mine.
You need to forgive
Before you jump the gun and accuse me of anything, read the rest of this paragraph. You need to forgive. Now, I am not saying to take them back. I would probably never say that considering that I come from a broken family and I have seen what being cheated on can do to a person in the long run. No, forgiveness is about you and not them.
You need to forgive yourself for trusting the wrong person, for staying by their side for so long or whatever else… If you don’t forgive yourself then you will never learn how to be happy. You need to do this for your sanity and for your happiness.
Being cheated on by my first ever boyfriend was a hard pill to swallow. The experience could have had a huge negative impact on my life and I nearly let it. However, I had the support of people who really loved me by my side and that pushed me to get out of the state I was in and work on loving myself more. That self love is what saved me in the end.
Self love is what pushed me to appreciate myself enough to take that philosophical concept of not letting something define me to a new level, to transform that concept into something that is real. I might have tried to convince myself back then that I would be alright and that did help me move on, but it was the love I have for myself that ultimately gave me back control over my life.
Do you have any advice for people who have been cheating on?
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