It is not easy when your friend starts dating your ex boyfriend and it is even less so when we are talking about a best friend, however it does not have to be.
While in high school I was dating this guy and even though we did not have the perfect relationship, it was fun and pretty great while it lasted. However, since I was a year older we decided to part ways when I went off to college. Even though the decision made sense to break up, it was still a bit painful you know? It is not like I thought that we would be together forever, but it was a first love-puppy love sort of thing and we shared a lot of things in those years we dated.
Imagine my shock when I saw my best friend kissing my ex boyfriend in am empty classroom when I went back the following year to attend her graduation ceremony. Even though I was certain that I was completly over him and I was already dating someone else after having a bit of rebound fun *wink, it freaking hurt.
I was not hurt by the fact that he started dating someone else. I was not even hurt that he started dating her. I was hurt because she did not tell me.
But I got lucky. I decided to focus on the fact that I moved on and that I was happy with my life at that moment in time so I did not go confront her. I pretended that everything was okay and wanted to see whether she would tell me. Quite a shocker for those of you who know me. I am not the type to sit idly by and do nothing.
To my surprise she did tell me. Actually, she asked me whether I still had feeling for him and whether I wanted to ever get back with him.
I said no. I actually meant it. Had I lied, I am sure that things would be very different today.
She then asked me whether it would bother me if she would go on a date with him.
I was a bit stuck for words, but finally said no. Again, I meant it.
I wanted to see where the conversation was going, but then I came clean and I told her that I saw them. That lead to a long and an even more interesting conversation that looking back, was long overdue.
We talked, we cried, we laughed and it was what we both needed. It made me realise that I was truly over him and that while we had our good times, he was never meant to be my IT. I was too young anyway to even consider a life long romance with my high school sweetheart so to speak. Let’s not mention immature. But most importantly, the conversation made me realise something that maybe I always knew – they were perfect for each other and part of me knew it, but chose to ignore it. While I was dating him, she might have not been ready to enter in such a relationship, but she definitely was after we broke up.
Without having that conversation I honestly do not know what my relationship with my best friend would have been like today. That conversation and coming clean about everything was what we both needed in order to move on. It was not easy thus the crying, but it was worth it.
It took some time to get our relationship back on track, but now we are stronger than ever, There were a few kicks to iron out, but I don’t regret my decision. I know that not everyone is as lucky, but not matter what, if you want to salvage a relationship or at least attempt to do so talk to the other person even if you feel like you were the one wronged.
This is my story and I hope that it helped some of you. I know that this is not the type of article you were probably expecting to find, whether because of the format or because it did not list a series of things you could possibly do in such a situation or perhaps because it lacked the drama, but it is truth. This is what happened and this is how I dealt with it. Like I said, I hope that it will be helpful for some of you and if you have questions, do let me know.
In the meantime, off I go. I need to go get ready for my best friend’s engagement party. And yes, she is indeed marrying my ex-boyfriend, however don’t assume that it was smooth sailing cause it was not. It took them long enough to get to this point, but I could not be any happier for them.
Until next time.
Layla.
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